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“Shame is the bane of my existence both as a trauma therapist and as a survivor, as it is one of the most difficult obstacles to overcome in trauma recovery. It can masquerade as guilt, pessimism, or having a low opinion of yourself, but the reality is that it’s much more damaging and invasive, as shame erodes the fabric of our self-worth and identity.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Shame is also self-perpetuating. You’re more likely to act in ways that support your shame than ways that challenge it.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Anger is vital in trauma recovery. It starts by shielding us from those frightening, overwhelming, and devastating emotions that are waiting for us behind that door. We can hold onto that shield until we feel safe enough to open the door and cross the threshold; then, anger turns from a shield to a key.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“We live in an anger-phobic society, where people are afraid of your anger as well as their own.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Trauma is a thief. It steals our childhoods, years of our adult lives, or even our entire lifetimes. It takes away our ability to feel connected to others, to feel like we belong in the world, and to receive and extend love. It prevents us from growing and thriving. It steals our relationships, work, physical health, families, communities, spirituality, hobbies, passions, and identity. And to add insult to injury, trauma then demands that we grieve these losses in order to heal from them, which can feel overwhelming.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Trauma is a thief. It steals our childhoods, years of our adult lives, or even
our entire lifetimes. It takes away our ability to feel connected to others, to
feel like we belong in the world, and to receive and extend love. It prevents
us from growing and thriving. It steals our relationships, work, physical
health, families, communities, spirituality, hobbies, passions, and identity.
And to add insult to injury, trauma then demands that we grieve these losses
in order to heal from them, which can feel overwhelming.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Comparing your traumatic experience with another’s doesn’t make sense; if trauma were a competition, every survivor would be a winner.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Forgiveness is not a panacea. It does not make trauma disappear, nor does it heal all emotional wounds.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Forgiveness will not give you equal power to your offender in a society in which you are systemically oppressed, and they are systemically privileged.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“There is a popular misconception in many societies that offenders who are genetically related to you are entitled to forgiveness. This makes little sense.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Forgiveness should be considered an elective option â€� not a requirement â€� in trauma recovery.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Pressuring, demanding, or encouraging forgiveness from Black survivors may be used as a method to avoid the realities of systemic racism and racial trauma and used as a substitution for enacting substantive social justice.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Supposed that you are a trauma survivor and member of an opposed group. In that case, you are not only more likely to experience trauma, but you are also more likely to feel pressure from society to forgive your offender(s).”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Forgiveness has been and will continue to be used as a weapon against oppressed trauma survivors in order to maintain social inequalities, which cause further trauma.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“We cannot separate forgiveness and social inequality in trauma recovery as forgiveness, trauma, and recovery always occur in a social and political context â€� one that is fraught with inequality.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Revenge fantasies can be beneficial in trauma recovery. They bring significant catharsis and reestablish a sense of empowerment after one has been made to feel powerless.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“It’s often oppressed trauma survivors who have led the most successful social justice movements in American history, survivors who are commonly moved by anger, resentment, and rage â€� not forgiveness â€� toward those who are responsible for this oppression and trauma,”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Many trauma survivors anxiously wait for their offender(s) to die and aren’t bothered by their death when it occurs, or they feel relieved when their offender(s) are finally gone.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Forgiveness is not a method to bypass or avoid the long and at times brutal trauma recovery process.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Those who encourage forgiveness must remember that safety must always precede forgiveness, as you cannot authentically forgive when you do not feel safe.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Society’s moral and relational expectations of women pressure them to forgive their offenders, even if doing so puts their safety at risk.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

“Trauma is not healed; it’s transformed and integrated. Recovery is a lifelong process. And we can recover with or without forgiveness.”
― Amanda Ann Gregory, You Don't Need to Forgive: Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms