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“Karen Andersen was a private investigator with a healthy dose of imagination. So when her phone went off while carrying out a pretend parry riposte, in her mind she was Diana Rigg from the Avengers.”
― Louise Burfitt-Dons, The Missing Activist

“And right now, some affiliates of the promiscuous persuasion were beckoning, urging the women to join their huge orgy.

‘Come have a go, ladyships!� said one of the strumpets. Stella mustered a look so disapproving it made steel feel guilty for being hard. Unabated, the prostitute lit herself a cigarette and winked suggestively.

‘Will make it worth your while and no trouble.�

‘E°ù.â€�

The strumpet sucked on her cigarette with gusto and hastily turned to Aurora. Under the heavy theatrical greasepaint, she saw a hint of black stubble.

‘What about you, hon? Ever swallowed a sword with its sheath?�

‘Once,� said Aurora through a wooden expression. ‘It didn’t end too well for the sword.�

‘Oh leave ‘em be, Kevin,� another strumpet butted in, as she adjusted the apples in her corset. She had a tall voice, coarse, rugged and edged; the sort of edge you cut protons on. ‘Doncha see they ‘av a lil’un with ‘em?�

‘And I’ve a wife. What’s your point, Steve?� the drag queen retorted.

‘Yer wife’s a corpse, mate.�

‘Guess that makes me a necromancer.”
― Louise Blackwick, 5 Stars

“I've nothing against people. Just a***oles. But then, most people are.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“All humans are rogues. Cured only by death.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“The sea, the sky may seem be together, make it soon before you finding out they're really separate”
― Joshua seguya

“Love turns men into boys; heartache turns boys into men.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Kimaria smirked and placed her hands behind her back. “Come now. It doesn’t have to come to that. Violence is so beneath us.â€�
“No, it isn’t,� said Helianthus at once.
“Well . . . it is beneath me,â€� the high queen said and touched a hand to her chest. “Unlike you, I am civilized. I wear shoes and I have a last name.â€� They watched as she eased into a chair. She crossed one leg over the other, folded her arms, and regarded them calmly. “Aren’t you the least bit curious as to how I snatched the famed Nineveh Atvaris from our dark past? You can’t be that boring.”
― Ash Gray, Time's Arrow

“Now that I've declared my religion, namely, NUTTISM; I anoint myself, Mr. NUTS, as its MESSIAH. And you damn well bow to our god, Mr. NOT. He reveals that your pal up there too is naught! Dare not criticize the messiah - me! Or you'll be kicked in the nuts by my pal Mr. NOT.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“People who say they do not regret anything in their life, for the next birth too should get the very same wife.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“The more time you waste when you're young, the sadder you'll be in your nursing home”
― Daily Florence, Grace - A Funny Book For Women

“Going ahead with world-conquering today!
And then I realised I overslept. Oops!”
― Kassi Psifogeorgou, Operation Befriend Mr Pizza!

“Believe you me, I love all - just not people.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“I love you all - if you are not people!”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Men like to borrow kisses because they know they will have to pay them back.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Love is a hook; the moment a man swallows it, a woman knows she has him forever.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

“Jihadis! Please go to your imaginary heaven - out there, nowhere. Us, the infidel lot, have helluva lot to do after you leave. Out here.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“I love you and your hate-spouting, utterly intolerant lovely little toad! Are you sure he is really the one and the only god? For, even an idiot could have done a better job, choosing a more sane little bugger off the road.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Religious nuts of the world, unite! I too will fly my kite. Let us set up a meet between your imaginary pal in the sky with my friend up there nowhere, Mr. NOT. We will let them slug it out. Whoever survives, will be our GOD! Long live the brotherhood of the nuts and naught!”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Frankly, and factually - people are just screwed up. Am I? Perhaps as much as you, more or less. But not that much as religious nuts. Thank God, I am just nuts.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“My pal up there, Mr. NOT, has anointed me as the latest messiah. Yeah, just like that! So, don't you dare utter a word against your newest boss, or I'm gonna whup your fat ass.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“I'd have kicked your ass as too your head were both not full of shit, butthead.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“People who do not love dogs, know! When you've bitten dust and lying in your grave, a dog will come by and either crap or piss on you. Of course dogs may do the same on my grave too! But in doing so they'll be embracing me, but oh! they will surely be defecating on you.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Like your fancied god up there, my pal up nowhere, Mr. NOT, says if you do not prostrate and accept me as your latest and newest messiah, he will so kick your butt that you will neither be in hell nor in heaven but nowhere, like your fancied pal up there.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“All men, at some level or the other, are liars. Fortunately there is a cure. They can all become a fine creature, provided their nuts are taken off with pliers.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“Prunella had also learned, and then forgotten, that, as well as being ingenious, fish were incredibly progressive. Take, for example, the male seahorse, which shouldered the responsibility for giving birth. However, if that wasn’t impressive enough, some fish didn’t just believe in gender equality, they took it a step further and believed in male inequality. Take, for example, the anglerfish. The young, male anglerfish, which was significantly smaller than its female counterpart, would swim around the ocean until it came across a girl anglerfish, which it would latch onto with its very sharp teeth. Over time, the male would physically fuse with the female, connecting to her skin and her bloodstream, and dispensing of its eyes and internal organs in the process. The only thing the male anglerfish did hold onto was its testes.
Prunella reasoned there were some things that boys would simply never give up.”
― Henry Adams, Titus the Germ's Journey through Purgatory

“oia - the fear of consonants”
― Henry Adams

“I was very responsible, and very mature.
Travis says otherwise, but he’s not important right now.
We’re focused on me.”
― Finn Eccleston, The Community: A Funny and Disturbing Conspiracy Mystery Novel

“I was very responsible, and very mature. Travis says otherwise, but he’s not important right now.
We’re focused on me.”
― Finn Eccleston, The Community: A Funny and Disturbing Conspiracy Mystery Novel