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“Thanks. Seriously, you must have better things to do with your life than waste it on the hopeless?'
'I've already learned Parseltongue. What else is there?'
'Elvish.”
― Michelle Hodkin, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer

“No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.”
― Honoré de Balzac

“Richard Feynman was fond of giving the following advice on how to be a genius. You have to keep a dozen of your favorite problems constantly present in your mind, although by and large they will lay in a dormant state. Every time you hear or read a new trick or a new result, test it against each of your twelve problems to see whether it helps. Every once in a while there will be a hit, and people will say, 'How did he do it? He must be a genius!”
― Gian-Carlo Rota, Indiscrete Thoughts

“There was a seminar for advanced students in Zürich that I was teaching and von Neumann was in the class. I came to a certain theorem, and I said it is not proved and it may be difficult. Von Neumann didn’t say anything but after five minutes he raised his hand. When I called on him he went to the blackboard and proceeded to write down the proof. After that I was afraid of von Neumann.”
― George Pólya

“Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.”
― Jonathan Tropper, How to Talk to a Widower

“I don’t even pretend to believe I know everything; I just believe in arguments God told me I had a pretty good chance of winning, while I was traveling through hell.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“Don't let your teeth make you lose respect by permanently keeping them opened for the sake of being friendly.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“I ought to be jealous of the tower. She is more famous than I am.”
― Gustave Eiffel

“I've just finished reading some of my early papers, and you know, when I'd finished I said to myself, 'Rutherford, my boy, you used to be a damned clever fellow.' (1911)”
― Ernest Rutherford

“Sometimes you feel as though you've slandered yourself, but the joke's on them.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy

“We often hear that mathematics consists mainly of 'proving theorems.' Is a writer's job mainly that of 'writing sentences?”
― Gian-Carlo Rota

“I recall the story of the philosopher and the theologian... The two were engaged in disputation and the theologian used the old quip about a philosopher resembling a blind man, in a dark room, looking for a black cat �� which wasn't there. ‘That may be,�� said the philosopher, ‘but a theologian would have found it.”
― Julian Huxley

“Small people will find your flaw and make it huge; big people will find your flaw and block it out completely, by sitting next to you. Therefore, hang out with big people.:)”
― Shannon L. Alder

“John Locke invented common sense, and only Englishmen have had it ever since!”
― Bertrand Russell

“Everyone born is on the field of life’s game, but not everyone does wear the jersey of vision! Some people are fair players and others are injury causers; you joke with the later and they hit you down in pain and blood stains!”
― Israelmore Ayivor, The Great Hand Book of Quotes

“Each one you take is a commitment. If you break that commitment, the gods of alcohol will punish you with a hangover so bad you'll think Satan himself took a dump on you. -Milo”
― Cora Carmack, Faking It

“Two-thirds of all preachers, doctors and lawyers are hanging on to the coat tails of progress, shouting, whoa! while a good many of the rest are busy strewing banana peels along the line of march.”
― Elbert Hubbard

“I have been scientifically studying the traits and dispositions of the “lower animals�� (so-called,) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result profoundly humiliating to me. For it obliges me to renounce my allegiance to the Darwinian theory of the Ascent of Man from the Lower Animals; since it now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one, this new and truer one to be named the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals.”
― Mark Twain

“Meanwhile, Milo had been in the Senate on that day until it was dismissed and then came home. He changed out of his formal clothes, waited for a little while his wife got herself ready--you all know how that goes-- and set out at the hour when Clodius, if he had been planning on coming back to Rome that day, would have returned.”
― Cicero

“People will say,"there's heaven and hell", and they take it so serious that they look so sorrowful with penitence. I would rather ask them to show me the route that leads to heaven or hell.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“The year that Rutherford died (1938) there disappeared forever the happy days of free scientific work which gave us such delight in our youth. Science has lost her freedom. Science has become a productive force. She has become rich but she has become enslaved and part of her is veiled in secrecy. I do not know whether Rutherford would continue to joke and laugh as he used to.”
― Pyotr Kapitsa

“One should avoid carrying out an experiment requiring more than 10 per cent accuracy.”
― Walther Nernst

“Bibi: Mi papá me dijo que esta vez no me va a apoyar con David Hasselhoff porque me estoy haciendo daño y me quiso mandar a terapia. Yo no necesito terapia, lo que necesito es amor.
Chiquis: El amor es una patria en ruinas.
Nené: El amor de la gente, de la multitud.
Bibi: All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Bibi: ¿Es un poema?
Chiquis: De Edgar Allan Poe.”
― Mario Cantú Toscano, Barbie girls

“Llevamos el circo en la sangre.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind

“That awkward moment when you realize someone was actually home the whole time you were singing on the tops of your lungs.”
― Kasey Collin P. Dumdum

“I’m relieved to see
that even brilliant physicists make mistakes.��
Kohler looked over. “What do you mean?��
“Whoever wrote that note made a mistake. That column isn’t Ionic. Ionic columns are uniform in width. That one’s tapered. It’s Doric—the Greek counterpart. A common mistake.��
Kohler did not smile. “The author meant it as a joke, Mr. Langdon. Ionic means containing ions—electrically charged particles. Most objects contain them.”
― Dan Brown, Angels & Demons

“..., and sometimes there's just no point in arguing with him. "Yeah, okay 'me, Jeff, and Evan, sitting in a tree...'"
Chris claps his hands triumphantly. "That's right, baby!" Than a more serious expression comes across his face. "But, in a tree? Really? I mean, im a not an expert on the gay sex thing, but I think the first time at least you should be on the ground..." And then the evening continues on as expected.”
― Kate Sherwood, Dark Horse

“When I go to the bathrooms, I cannot take off my pants as before; because there is a light continuously blinking like a camera, everyone says it is just an environmental friendly lighting. Well, I cannot really trust it and I am not taking the risk of circulating my naked photos around.”
― M.F. Moonzajer, LOVE, HATRED AND MADNESS

“Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck.”
― Anonymous.

“Once I knew what I was doing
I was there and with it;
I had the total knowing.
I Googled God and orgasmed
At the amount of Gods and
Monsters out there posted about.”
― Initially NO, Err and Grr