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Antoinette's Reviews > Loved and Missed
Loved and Missed
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Antoinette's review
bookshelves: british-author, british-literature, nyrb, favorites, post-2000
Jun 12, 2024
bookshelves: british-author, british-literature, nyrb, favorites, post-2000
5 HUGE STARS!
This is an incredible book- incredibly written and devastatingly heartbreaking. I was thinking when I finished it that it was one of the saddest books I had ever read but then I stopped and remembered the happy, positive moments in Ruth’s life and the friend who helped hold her up and I realized that it was more than just a sad book. It was a book about a woman’s strength, and women’s solidarity. Yes, it is a book that brought me to copious tears but also tremendous respect for the woman at its heart and the author who created her.
This book is about Ruth and her tenuous relationship with her drug addicted daughter, Eleanor.
“I could only think blood relations had different requirements of each other. The rate of exchange wasn’t the same. The economy of sympathy had a different cellular structure. I had the wrong kind of patience, the wrong kind of sentimentality as far as Eleanor was concerned. The wrong arms and legs and eyes and ears—�
“Eleanor’s grey-blue eyes sent out flares of contempt. The scorn of an angry saint almost. Now and then when I have received that look of hers I have wondered if I could still keep going.�
Eleanor becomes pregnant and has Lily. After someone OD’s in Eleanor’s apartment, Ruth gives her money and takes Lily. Will Ruth get a second chance with Lily?
I loved the way the author explored these relationships. None of my kids have ever had issues with drug addiction and for that I will be eternally grateful. The author explores this push pull bond between Ruth and Eleanor and the underlying love a mother has for her child regardless.
I’d be remiss if I did not mention Jean- Ruth’s friend who brought some levity to the story. You can’t help but love Jean.
There were a few references to books and authors. My favourite was her reference to Elizabeth Taylor and Elizabeth Bowen!
Phenomenal book! I highly recommend it!
Published: 2021
This is an incredible book- incredibly written and devastatingly heartbreaking. I was thinking when I finished it that it was one of the saddest books I had ever read but then I stopped and remembered the happy, positive moments in Ruth’s life and the friend who helped hold her up and I realized that it was more than just a sad book. It was a book about a woman’s strength, and women’s solidarity. Yes, it is a book that brought me to copious tears but also tremendous respect for the woman at its heart and the author who created her.
This book is about Ruth and her tenuous relationship with her drug addicted daughter, Eleanor.
“I could only think blood relations had different requirements of each other. The rate of exchange wasn’t the same. The economy of sympathy had a different cellular structure. I had the wrong kind of patience, the wrong kind of sentimentality as far as Eleanor was concerned. The wrong arms and legs and eyes and ears—�
“Eleanor’s grey-blue eyes sent out flares of contempt. The scorn of an angry saint almost. Now and then when I have received that look of hers I have wondered if I could still keep going.�
Eleanor becomes pregnant and has Lily. After someone OD’s in Eleanor’s apartment, Ruth gives her money and takes Lily. Will Ruth get a second chance with Lily?
I loved the way the author explored these relationships. None of my kids have ever had issues with drug addiction and for that I will be eternally grateful. The author explores this push pull bond between Ruth and Eleanor and the underlying love a mother has for her child regardless.
I’d be remiss if I did not mention Jean- Ruth’s friend who brought some levity to the story. You can’t help but love Jean.
There were a few references to books and authors. My favourite was her reference to Elizabeth Taylor and Elizabeth Bowen!
Phenomenal book! I highly recommend it!
Published: 2021
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Reading Progress
January 17, 2024
– Shelved
January 17, 2024
– Shelved as:
to-read
June 8, 2024
–
Started Reading
June 8, 2024
– Shelved as:
nyrb
June 8, 2024
– Shelved as:
british-literature
June 8, 2024
– Shelved as:
british-author
June 11, 2024
–
Finished Reading
June 12, 2024
– Shelved as:
favorites
August 2, 2024
– Shelved as:
post-2000
Comments Showing 1-50 of 64 (64 new)
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Canadian Jen
(new)
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rated it 5 stars
Jun 12, 2024 09:19AM
This would be a tough one! Terrific review, Antoinette. I'm sure this subject would be so difficult to read about.
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Jen, this was a really tough one to read but yet so rewarding. I do appreciate reading about mother daughter relationships. Thank you:)
I never even heard of this author, but I have to add this.
You should be a bookseller. I don’t think I can pass this one up!
Sounds a very emotional read, I will add this! And the cover is gorgeous!
Diane, this is the first of her books published in the States. Yet it is her 7th book. I am going to hunt for more, of course. She has a famous pedigree, btw. Father was Lucien Freud and granddaughter of Sigmund !
Ahh, thanks K! That would be my dream. Instead I am retired and just read books:)
Tatevik, a book that is less than 200 pages, which has such an impact. I actually had to take breaks at times. No point rushing through a masterpiece!
Antoinette wrote: "Tatevik, a book that is less than 200 pages, which has such an impact. I actually had to take breaks at times. No point rushing through a masterpiece!"You savored this!
I absolutely did, Tatevik! And then I kept wishing I could talk about it with someone who had read it:)
I won’t miss it with that endorsement, Antoinette!
Happy to hear that, Jennifer!
My library has it! Now to fit it in.....
Wow, Antoinette - any book you call “masterpiece� is a must-read for me! What an enticing review. Added.
Your brilliant and enthusiastic review makes it impossible for me not to add it to my TBR.
Yes, Diane. It is less than 200 pages- just saying. I’ll nervously await your response to this book!!
Thanks, Wyndy! A friend recommended it to me and I am just passing it on!!
Bianca, this book has your name on it! I hope you can find it!! Thanks so much:)
Just requested it from my local library.
Antoinette, wow! This sounds enticing in an emotionally engaging way. Thanks for the recommendation.
Josh, please come back and tell me what you think of it. I’d love to know how a man responds to this one.
I couldn’t believe how impactful this book was, Laysee. I wish I could have a chat with the author just to know what her inspiration was.
Antoinette wrote: "Josh, please come back and tell me what you think of it. I’d love to know how a man responds to this one."Well if it's heartbreaking and/or devastating, then it seems to be up my alley. I'll most likely write a review if I read it, so thanks for the recommendation.
Oh wow - it has been a good reading year hey Antoinette? As soon as I started reading your review, I tripped over my self hunting for the "want to read" button. How could I not? You've made this so enticing. Steallar review 🤗
I've eyed this one from time to time on the shelf but wasn't sure about it. Now I'm quite sure I need to read it! Superb review, Antoinette!
I am always grateful for your opinion on newer books. I shy away from them, so I count on you and Candi to tell which ones I simply cannot miss. I have added this one. Thanks.
You are very welcome, Josh. I’ll look forward to your thoughts on it.
Thanks so much, Mark! This book was just perfect. I love character driven novels and this one will stay with me for a long time.
Thanks so much, Candi! I can’t figure out why this is the first of her novels published in North America. She is an exceptional writer. I think you will find much to appreciate.
Sara, thanks for that compliment. I tend to shy away lately from newer books as well. This came highly recommended from a friend I made last year when I was in Oxford. I probably wouldn’t have picked it up otherwise. I have to say I thought of you when the Elizabeth reference came up in the book. Ruth is an English teacher btw. This is really a stunning book.
Antoinette I just started a book and I wish I buddy read this with someone, it’s very emotional and beautiful.
I've never heard of this author, nor this book, but I suspect you'll be selling copies left and right on here!As to the daughter's eyes sending out "flares of contempt. . . " I can say, as I have said to both friends and family. . . "If you haven't parented, then you don't truly know what it is to be hated, particularly if you have never parented a teen-aged daughter. The savagery of that expression of hate is sometimes almost too much for one system to bear."
Amen Julie. As a parent of a daughter, I know.
Antoinette, you've convinced me too. As my friend James once said, I like to have my heart ripped out by a book. In other words I want that deep, intimate connection. It sounds like this one delivers.I am thankful for fellow bookreaders, whereever we find them, that share wonderful books!
Fantastic review, Antionette and such a difficult topic and yet one we all understand - maybe not the drugs part. You’ve sold me on your write up for sure!
(To Diane: Sighhhhhh).
Tatevik, which book are you reading? It’s so special when a book can affect you like that.
It’s the Heat Wave. I read about 20 pages and each page has 2-3 page markers.
So true, Julie! Parenting is not for the faint of heart. I have one daughter and two sons and I never got those “looks� from my sons. That look was rarely directed at her father. I think this was a perfect book. I did not share the best line as it gives something away. But when you read it, you will know.
You said it, Diane!
Julie and Diane, you’re giving me some ideas about what’s coming in the future.
I, too, am grateful to fellow readers or I wouldn’t have found this one, Lisa. I made a new friend last year when I was in Oxford. We especially bonded over our taste in books. We have become pen pals- she is a letter writer, doesn’t like e mails. Guess what, I love it. We discuss books we’ve read, movies� what a treat and a gift.
Thanks so much, Lori! Drug addiction is such an issue in our world that even if we are lucky not to be directly affected, we can certainly empathize. This book brought that to light in such a real way.
Tatevik, you have got me interested for sure. I’ll look forward to your review. ( I don’t always get notifications either, so please make sure I see it)
Tatevik, I just confirmed I own that book:)
Nice! Will get back to you with the review!
I own this one� so glad to see all the stars, Antoinette!
How perfect that you own it, Karen! I hope you love it as much as I did.
It ws a really good read
