Sign in with Facebook
Paige's Reviews > Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It
by
by
**Edit as of 5/31/22: It appears I’ve gotten under some people’s skin. Welcome to the exchange of ideas, friends! I understand that your comment means you really want my attention and read what I have to say! That’s awesome. I, however, don’t give a shit about what you have to say. You’re free to comment and I’m free to ignore it. LMFAO.**
Did I really just read 288 pages of a white dude describing the world and how he manipulates others to "get the right answer" to his questions? I feel sick.
With the preface, you really believe Voss is the expert in his field (and a humble expert, which is refreshing beyond belief). But you'll also start to realize about 15 pages in that Voss' techniques only work because he lives in a world where everyone is systematically inclined to make men like him happy (either for fear of retribution or because they are men who hope Voss' success mirrors (hey, I used his favorite word!) their own). The world already accommodates him.
Can't wait for Never Split the Difference 2: A Woman's Perspective. It would be about 250 pages shorter because no one takes her seriously enough to answer her questions and instead asks to speak with the man in charge.
Did I really just read 288 pages of a white dude describing the world and how he manipulates others to "get the right answer" to his questions? I feel sick.
With the preface, you really believe Voss is the expert in his field (and a humble expert, which is refreshing beyond belief). But you'll also start to realize about 15 pages in that Voss' techniques only work because he lives in a world where everyone is systematically inclined to make men like him happy (either for fear of retribution or because they are men who hope Voss' success mirrors (hey, I used his favorite word!) their own). The world already accommodates him.
Can't wait for Never Split the Difference 2: A Woman's Perspective. It would be about 250 pages shorter because no one takes her seriously enough to answer her questions and instead asks to speak with the man in charge.
Sign into ŷ to see if any of your friends have read
Never Split the Difference.
Sign In »
Reading Progress
December 4, 2018
–
Started Reading
December 4, 2018
– Shelved
January 14, 2019
–
Finished Reading
Comments Showing 1-50 of 78 (78 new)
message 1:
by
Kevin
(new)
-
rated it 5 stars
Jan 24, 2019 09:20PM
LOL
reply
|
flag
At first I couldn’t figure why you’d take such a stand. Then, upon reading your review I am thoroughly proud of you. I get it. Yet, the realities he shares should not be relegated to nominal importance because these are relative to all human behaviors. Especially revealed in the international narratives he recounted. But as I stated...I get it and appreciate your candid, courageous stand.
In addition, if you recall he did relate the women who were his superiors in his field and training. That’s cogent to your point. I would think, don’t you?
Exactly this. If these tactics hinge on tapping into a "late-night FM DJ voice (deep, soft, slow, and reassuring)", then they are obviously not going to work for everyone. They're not designed to. He's actually instructing the reader to pull out his Dad voice to coerce his opponent into a childlike, submissive role. Just lean into patriarchal privilege and pat themselves on the back like they've done something amazing. Would a white beard and a pipe help my negotiating skills as well?
Hi Paige, your review made me laugh today, so thanks for that. But on the serious side, stereotypical women tactics of manipulation are also used in this book. Of course, he doesn't label them as "lady-like" and I'm glad he doesn't, otherwise he would have sounded unprofessional and offensive. Those tactics that I'm referring to are: play dumb, use sorry at the beginning of each statement, let the other party feel they are in control.
I see women use these tactics more than man, so much more, that they have become stereotypes. So there's that, it isn't about a white dude using his whiteness and dude-ish ways, it's also about having a powerful conversation no matter whether you are negotiating or not. Manipulation is not a bad word, sometimes it can be used to make the other person feel happier.
Feminist alert! Not everything has to be an argument between the sexes...or race.
Perhaps, read the entire book prior to writing a review on it based on its contents. I am all for a persons perspective when they actually read the entire book. This comes off as an emotional hissy fit. Feel free to take that to Facebook.
I read the entire book, Drabick. See the first seven words of my review.
Any recommendations for a similar book, but that is geared more towards women or minorities or anyone else starting from a place of less power?
Always amazed how openly racist and sexist reviewers get so many likes.
Why does this racist and sexist have so many likes?
Did I really read 3 paragraphs of a white feminist describing a book about manipulating others to “get the right answer�?With the preface, you really believe Halper is making a unbiased and objective commentary (which is refreshing beyond believe). But you also start to realize Helper is simply generalising and using sex and race as a common denominator to justify a point. Some of the reviewer already accommodate her.
Can’t wait not to buy Never Split the Difference 2: A Woman’s Perspective because it would be about 250 pages shorter and no one takes Halper seriously enough
You're a sexist racist, get professional help or you'll die miserable.
What? This guy can't help he's a cis dude. I've read this book not once but twice and he is very respectful and shows a lot of admiration towards his female peers. You clearly didn't read this book. This man has real time experience in his field. He's not just proselytizing and philosophizing about ideals he has. He's presenting actual experience in his high-intensity field. If you actually read this book you would see there are a lot of tips on how to achieve female empowerment in the work place and be seen as equal.
Wow, did I just read a review that panned the book completely only based on the gender and race of the author? Just wow. Are you aware that 99% of white men would be completely unable to negotiate successfully? Do you just throw into the garbage his hard-won expertise just because you do not like his gender and race? It is truly sad to what point this men-bashing and white-bashing has reached. And by the way, he does mention someone who is just as good as him negotiating who happens to be a woman and happens to be black: Oprah Winfrey, buty you seemed to have missed that because you had an agenda from before picking up the book. Sad.
It's obvious from the cover it's not your kind of book, why did you bother reading it and why did you bother us with the usual tired feminist drivel with as much nuance as a 4 years old throwing a tantrum... That was a rhetorical question, I know the answer: attention seekingBesides, did you miss the bits where he was supervised by, and learned some of the stuff from, women?
Yawn
I am a white man and guess what, I am not part of your racial and gender wars! I grew up in a socialist society where women enjoyed two years of paid maternal leave, day care facilities for small fees and all kinds of benefits facilitating their work-life balance. I do not mean some entitled corporate bitches, which we did not have. I mean all women who wanted to study or work. They could study and become physicians or lawyers or anything else for free and without painful student loans. They could also serve in armed forces alongside men without risk of being raped. We simply did not have the war of sexes and for obvious reasons we had far lower divorce rate than you can imagine. We supported African countries by sending them experts; we built them hospitals and factories and, if needed, we helped them to fight colonial oppressors. For all these reasons, I found your misandry generally targeting white men very uninformed and offensive. In the least, you should consider the fact, that breast cancer surgry, and breast cancer chemotherapy, as well as prevention of childbed fever were discovered and perfected by white men!
I haven't even finished the book yet, and he has so far had examples of females using these tactics, and some of them on what you could call dominacting bosses. He also talked about how the men in Washington didn't know anything, and that was why they belittled Hillary Clinton for refering to some of these techniques. The golden rules he lays out are: to really listen, repeat back to them what they have said, make them feel heard and understood, see things from their point of view.
These are in fact just decent behavior. So most of what he talks about boils down to "just be nice and try to understand the other person".
If that is being white and male, then I don't know what kind of world you live in.
I get what you are saying, and I am a bit uneasy too about the appearance of manipulation. But this was strongly recommended to me by a woman who found it very helpful in her personal life (many of us have to deal with "white dude"s). One of our mutual friends read it and has also found it useful. I big part of it is just good listening and how to build bonds, good for any conversation or relationship, regardless of how limited in time and scope it will be.
I am fascinated this is your take on it. As a woman, I would be interested in having a conversation about this topic to more fully understand your viewpoint. I actually found the book fascinating and excellent. I love negotiating. I've read Getting to Yes, listened to a 24-series Great Courses lecture on negotiating, and find the content that Voss shares practical and incredibly valuable. I've even used his techniques like mirroring in real life (not negotiating) just to get my teenagers to tell me more about their days at school.
Agree, I started to get the ick about halfway through this book. He basically uses human psychology and fake empathy as a main tactic in to negotiate. Understanding human emotion is something that comes natural to people of all genders and he makes it sound novel. Yes the tips in this book are extremely helpful. However something about it was off and just gross. His ego came through and I wondered how he was manipulating the reader.
When you blame all your failures on being born a female... you get this review
So you don't give a shit about comments, but you edited your review to let us know how HARD you ignored them... great! Your reaction to the comments just confirms how far from a real focus you are. I know, You don't give a shit, bye.
Wow, I didn't think k about it from the perspective while reading, but your take definitely has some validity. I would love to see aversion from a woman's perspective.
Thanks for the reminder that everything is always about gender especially books.
the sentence he manipulates others to get the right answer to his questions make you feel sick? i understand your feelings but it's a part of manipulation in business and interrogation both gender uses this kind of technique not only men. If u are looking for a book something that doesn't manipulate others feelings then u should read a book about "Influence"
Sounds like you have some insecurities about yourself that you could work on.
Another feminist spitting their biased view on the internet. Good luck dissuading readers from getting anything good from this book because oh, it didn't apply to your sex. Because oh, you women are always victims and no tactic in the world works for you.
I enjoyed it. And just took away what was relevant to me... whatever happened to reading a variety of stuff and taking from it what u need.
I think you're review is spot on. I just couldn't finish it. It lacked strategic substance and was once again inflated ego suffering from the Dunning Kruger effect. If I was surrounded by 20 snipers, I don't really care what he's saying I know I'm surrounded and no options out. He fails to talk about everyone else. I'm very surprised this book got the ratings it did and more surprised that people think its amazing. Is this just following the crowd for their own self inflation as well?
Imagine making an account on ŷ because of how angry you are at a book
Interesting review. For anyone reading the comments for an additional viewpoint, I can perhaps provide another perspective. I'm a woman. A professional that deals with very pressured, even physically violent situations in my workplace daily. This book was added to my toolkit and re-read list the minute I closed it. I've used these tactics successfully over and over...and over. AND, I teach at a university on the side and reference this book in lectures on de-escalation and communication. This book provides one of the most concise and logical approaches to explaining tone that I've ever come across. A teaching topic that is historically difficult to convey.
My two cents- feel free to lose them in the couch cushions- Voss is an incredible subject matter expert and I'm thankful he wrote a book to share his knowledge. Just my perspective.
well you must be a joy to hang around
amazing! i was trying to put this into words but you nailed it 😅
Yes we get it.White men are evil and everyone who falls outside of that demographic is mercilessly oppressed.
Are people like you really going to comment that under very self help book written by a white dude?
Might as well save yourself some effort and let a bot do it.
Wow looking forward to the Offended Men commenting on my very similar review 🙄 Absolutely agree, and it’s not a small thing that his entire book just so happens to not apply to a huge proportion of people. I had to digest a long time to realize this is what was bothering me about it, and I appreciate your saying it out loud!
Let me guess; the offended commenters wanted to mansplain to you.
You’re probably right about your perspective, now he has classes specifically geared towards women, how it’s different and how to also be successful in negotiation.
Even white man here agrees with you. Cause that doesn't change the fact that a lot of what is written here is applicable to this guy's work as FBI agent, but hello? his target audience is supposed to be people doing business. Power dynamics in business are not the same as when FBI "negotiates" with kidnappers, terrorists and the lot. Huge wide gap there. Hence I am very surprised at the success this book has had
I haven't read the book, not sure if this is my kind of reading, but I absolutely love what you wrote. Keeping writing!
This is probably the most insecure review I've come across on ŷ
Great review, thanks for saving me some time. I was wondering why this book was coming off so creepy and you hit the nail on the head. This man is so fragile.
it’s not about manipulation. It’s negotiating. plain and simple, he even talks about empathy and not just wanted to be right or getting a yes. you clearly couldn’t comprehend that. If you didn’t want to read a book on negotiating to better your life and help you with certain areas of your life then you shouldn’t have picked up the book.
Could you explain how it is relevant to mention the skin color of the writer?
I think you missed the point of the entire book, as well as the target audience. Your edit proves your limited bandwidth in the “exchange of ideas�. Remove the color of his skin, because it truly is irrelevant, and look at the situations he encounters and the tactics he used & you’ll likely have a different perspective. But given your obviously limited scope to life, that might be too difficult
