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“Men who refuse to use condoms do not deserve to be fucked by anyone but other men who refuse to use condoms.”
― Inga Muscio

“Nowadays, you can do anything that you want—anal, oral, fisting—but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.”
― Slavoj Žižek

“Use a condom. The world doesn't need another you.”
― Carroll Bryant

“Millions of deaths would not have happened if it weren’t for the consumption of alcohol. The same can be said about millions of births.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“I didn't eat."
"What difference does that make?"
"I'm not like you. I can't recharge by feeding off someone. I need food."
"I know that! When was the last time you ate?"
"Yesterday."
"Yester--why the hell didn't you eat?"
"We had to go buy condoms, remember?"
"And you couldn't grab a sandwich on the way out?" he said hysterically. "I'm gonna die because you couldn't grab a sandwich?”
― Karen Chance, Fury's Kiss

“Condoms ribbed for extrasensitivity. The last thing I need is extrasensitivity. Here are condoms lined with a topical anesthetic for prolonged action. What a paradox. You don't feel a thing, but you can fuck for hours. This seems to really miss the point. I want my whole life lined with a topical anesthetic.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

“Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.”
― Spike Milligan, Puckoon

“Start ringing things up then. This won't take long."
"Which ones?"
"I don't care." I push some at her. "These."
"These?" She looked dubious.
"Why not these?"
She glanced at Ray. "'Cause if that's your man, I'd say you can leave these off."
"Oh, no, you didn't." Ray said.
"What's this shit?" Ray demanded, looking at the saleclerk.
"Honey, truth hurts, but ain't no way you're a Magnum."
"Well, I ain't no medium!"
The clerk smiled. "Yeah, but I was being generous."
"What are you doing?" The clerk demanded as Ray grabbed another box. "I ain't rung those up yet."
Ray pulled out a foil package and tossed the box back on the counter. "So ring it up."
She arched an eyebrow, but didn't bother, maybe because she was watching him unbutton his fly. I caught his wrist. "What are you doing?"
"Proving a point."
"Not in the middle of the store, you're not."
"Ain't nobody here," the cashier reminded me. "And ain't no way he's filling that thing out.”
― Karen Chance, Fury's Kiss

“I bought a packet of Trojan® Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: ‘No. 1 in AMERICAâ€�. They smell nothing like a positive first sexual experience.”
― Joe Dunthorne, Submarine

“For if in careless summer days
In groves of Ashtaroth we whored,
Repentant now, when winds blow cold,
We kneel before our rightful lord;

The lord of all, the money-god,
Who rules us blood and hand and brain,
Who gives the roof that stops the wind,
And, giving, takes away again;

Who spies with jealous, watchful care,
Our thoughts, our dreams, our secret ways,
Who picks our words and cuts our clothes,
And maps the pattern of our days;

Who chills our anger, curbs our hope,
And buys our lives and pays with toys,
Who claims as tribute broken faith,
Accepted insults, muted joys;

Who binds with chains the poet’s wit,
The navvy’s strength, the soldier’s pride,
And lays the sleek, estranging shield
Between the lover and his bride.”
― George Orwell, Keep the Aspidistra Flying

“Expired condoms are like nuclear waste: there's nothing sensible you can do with it.”
― Andrew Smith

“The human population would probably be way less than a thousand, if ejaculation were not usually accompanied by an orgasm.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“It's not enough just to buy condoms, Cassidy; you have to use them.”
― Karen Marie Moning, Kiss of the Highlander

“To some believers, being on the pill or using a condom is a nonverbal way of telling God to go to hell.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, The Use and Misuse of Children

“It seemed to me, watching, that if you were dextrous enough to gift-wrap an independent-minded amphibian, you could just about manage a condom.”
― Naomi Wolf, Promiscuities: The Secret Struggle for Womanhood

“The worst of all of this is the lie that condoms really protect against AIDS. The condom failure rate can be as high as 20 percent. Would you get on a plane â€� or put your children on a plane â€� if one of five passengers would be killed on the flight? Well, the statistic holds for condoms, folks.”
― Rush Limbaugh, The Way Things Ought to Be

“Gail shoves a box of condoms to my chest. "Use them. My boss is an asshole, and I don't need more of him in this world.”
― L.J. Shen, Bane

“Words could never express the infinite sadness of a used condom, removed from your already half-limp dick by an expert hand, which then strangles it with a precise, automatic gesture.”
― Zidrou & Aimée de Jongh, L'obsolescence programmée de nos sentiments

“Unprotected sex is often a subconscious attempt to commit delayed assisted suicide.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Do you need me to get you some condoms? I think I have a coupon.”
― T.J. Klune, Wolfsong

“Remember: Condoms promote licentiousness, so reconsider before using.”
― Douglas Coupland, Worst. Person. Ever.

“In theory, condom promotions ought to work everywhere. And intuitively, some condom use ought to be better than no use. But that’s not what the research in Africa shows. Why not? One reason is “risk compensation.â€� That is, when people think they’re made safe by using condoms at least some of the time, they actually engage in riskier sex.”
― Obianuju Ekeocha, Target Africa: Ideological Neocolonialism in the Twenty-First Century

“Western men hear about girls who are sold and forced to sell their bodies, but no one here is forced to do anything. I come to the bar to work, …and if I want to have sex with a client, I have sex with him. If I don't, then I won't. No one forces me to do anything I don't want to do. [NGO workers} come here trying to give us condoms or save us, [but] how can they help me when I make more money than them?'
—Vy, twenty-two-year-old hostess in Naughty Girls”
― Kimberly Kay Hoang, Dealing in Desire: Asian Ascendancy, Western Decline, and the Hidden Currencies of Global Sex Work

“Birth control pills and condoms are 2nd and 3rd most effective methods of controlling population...School Fees continues to be No. 1.”
― Nitya Prakash

“Putting a condom on is like raising your own flag, there is a solemn sensation when it is all erected.”
― Alain Bremond-Torrent, "Darling, it's not only about sex"

“Are condoms methods of birth control or weapons of mass destruction?”
― Marin .

“Protected sex is, to Mother Nature, sex between a human and a doll.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Next thing you know, Tyler will be pulling all the free sample condoms and lube. What am I going to do? Colossal is the only size that fits."
"They're only called 'colossal' to pander to the male ego." Mia gave him a withering look. "They're actually tiny size."
"Well, no wonder he's cutting staff," Josh retorted. "The marketing department can't tell the difference between six inches and ten.”
― Sara Desai, The Dating Plan

“A condom is a helmet for sex.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Condoms and fandangle size:
penile sizes vary: Southeast Asian condoms, for example, may be rather small, while
African ones are large. The shape of penises is also very diverse, so not all condoms
fit all comers”
― Jane Wilson-Howarth, Staying Healthy When You Travel: Avoiding Bugs, Bites, Bellyaches, and More, New Edition (CompanionHouse Books) Doctor's Advice on Immunization, Precautions, What to Do When Illness Strikes, and More